Tossing and juggling in the back seat of the van, head crushing a popcorn bag under my pillow, stomach churning and eyes leaking with tears. This was my Christmas.. or part of it. It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on these pages my friends. And I’m afraid there are few reasons why so, although they may be significant in some ways. You see I started college, grew very busy, and felt like the world was whizzing past me but finally it has slowed down. As I am on break for a few lonely days. So I decided to take the time to sit down and share my Christmas experience of 2018. Twas not a thing I should like to repeat. And I hope the new year will erase all memory of this day. (except I’m writing it all down so…) Let us begin. ......... It started off as a tossing, turning night of Christmas Eve. I could not possibly fall asleep in my bed for I was so excited about the presents above. I had been so stressed and tired all the time in college that it seemed Christmas had suddenly come upon us in a day or so. It came fast and rushing. And if I may confess, it didn’t seem as magical as it did last year. I was pumped for sure, but something seemed different. It’s probably because I turned 18 and a lot of things changed… but yeah Christmas didn’t turn into what I exactly imagined it to be. However the morning was fabulous, and magical, or so it was at first. Smiles went all around and the smells of breakfast wafted through the air, as I hummed to myself while flipping omelets. I didn’t feel Christmasy, but I was going to make this a really good day. Maybe the best day ever. We did the Christmas story, then opened presents. I may have spent a fortune on my family this year but it was totally worth it! And then I was surprised myself with things my family had gotten me. I certainly did not deserve any gifts but am so thankful. Giving gifts is definitely my favorite thing of all, though. The day looked promising and magical as we jammed to Christmas music and dug into our scrumptious spread. I felt unusually hot and sweaty so I looked quite weird wearing my brand-new Old Navy vest with short sleeves and rocking my sunglasses. Christmas is always my favorite time of year, and it was so weird that today was the day I’ve looked forward to forever. All right, after lunch was time to get in the car to go to Michigan. Weirdly, I already felt carsick even though I wasn’t in the car. I must have a really good imagination, I thought. My stomach already churned and I didn’t even want a little snack, already imagining the horrible smell of the car. I usually like roadtrips but I dreaded this one. However, it is Christmas Day so it’s gonna be good, right?? We loaded up the car with our new gifts, extra food and started off. I was in the back seat crumpled between the bag of food and suitcases, but don’t worry I had my ipad and other things to occupy me. After just a few minutes of texting on my phone I got carsick on and off, which is weird because I never get carsick. So then we stopped at Steak and Shake, and I stood there along the booths feeling the weirdest and churniest yet. I didn’t want anything there, and we soon stopped at a gas station. I aimlessly walked around as others got food, (I was kinda eyeing the Pepto bismol) and some random old guy who looked like Santa talked to me and thought he knew me. It was creepy and I couldn’t really take any creepiness right then. It was also dark and gloomy and we had hours to go. So yeah we got back in the car, others with food and me just with a Vitamin water. I could eat popcorn later, maybe. A couple hours later left me feeling the same dark and gloominess, except a Lot. Worse. Churniness. I had to take off my seatbelt and lay on the popcorn bag, wondering why my stomach felt like it had a knife churning through it. It just would not stop. I finally figured out it wasn’t carsickness and I told my kind mother I didn’t feel good, who thankfully got me ice and Ginger ale. At that point nothing would help though. I lay there clutching my stomach in silence, crunching a few ice cubes and hoping nothing would come back up. I had flashbacks to Honduras when I felt like dying in the dark stressful van, but it seemed worse. I thought I would never want to be pregnant because it was probably like this. And I just had this same disease like, a month ago! (the flu hahaha.. my mind could not function) It’s hard to describe those feelings but long story short I could not drink that ginger ale, and when we were about 5 minutes away from the hotel (finally!!!!!) I had to start pouring ice all over me. Nothing was helping and my head was panicking. (my stomach was too.) “Um guys I really need to get the hotel!” I called up. “We’re almost there, you can make it,” my mom said. But I couldn’t. All I wanted was a quiet, unmoving bathroom to throw up in. And a bed. That’s all I asked. But we were not there yet and my stomach was not cooperating. I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, and after hours and hours of churning it was the time of death. I felt like I was in a dark torturous dream and I didn’t care anymore. “Meg please move!” I called out, finally making the decision to jump out of my seat and onto the middle aisle, needing an open window or door desperately. Megan would not budge but kept sitting in her seat, so when we were stopped at an intersection in the middle of the street I leaped over her and opened the door. And in slow-motion, delirious me catches onto her purse with my foot, causing me to trip and her phone to fall out into the street, cars whizzing past. At this point I had to postpone my desperate stomach-puking needs and rescue the phone. But my limbs were not quite working at their best. I reached out to get the phone and tripped over Megan’s annoying legs and tangly blanket, and slowly fell, as in a dream or a nightmare, slow-motion on my back into the middle of the intersection. As cars whizzed past, I lay there stunned, then grabbed the phone and handed it to Megan. (At this point I’m pretty sure the green light had turned green, but we just stayed there until it turned red again. Also you could basically see the hotel from there. DUMB.) Now the phone was saved so I could die, and I rushed up to another hopefully more secluded part of the road and sadly threw up in the midst of rushing cars on the middle of the street. I am so, so sorry for any one who had to see that. You see I’m scarred myself, and I barely throw up and if I di no one is ever allowed to see me. So you see how dead I was at this point. Like I even secretly cried earlier cause I didn’t want to have to do this, but the inevitable happened. Leaving my puke in the middle of the road, we got to the hotel and I collapsed in the bathroom, a wonderful escape and retreat from the road. That night I didn’t care what else happened to me, even though I felt horrible, because of the beautiful shiny white bed I got all to myself. The best Christmas present that day. Thank you Lord for my own bed. Best day ever. After that long night of puking I finally fell asleep, and woke up much better. It was actually a Christmas miracle. Not the one I would have expected, and in the moment it was kinda bad. But now as I look back, it’s quite a funny story. Now I feel like if I can survive this Christmas.. they can all get better from here! .... Christmas didn’t feel exactly like Christmas this year. Maybe the lights weren’t as sparkly or the music wasn’t as festive, or maybe my eyesight was just blurred with exams and college stress. And when break finally came, came with it a realization that life was changing and Christmas is not always the same. It’s different, people grow up, you don’t get the things you expected or it just doesn’t feel the same. I learned this year that it’s not always going to be the same… but because of Jesus’ birth it can always be amazing. Slow down and think of the reason for the Christmas spirit. It sounds cliche, but it’s the first year that I realized this adult part of the perspective. It really isn’t the presents, or the lights, or the parties. It isn’t probably about the way you feel (or your stomach feels) and getting everything you want. It’s the way you look at it, and why you look at it. Having a perfect magical day may not always happen, but it’s okay. I might die and go to heaven but that's okay, that's actually pretty good. It's not about me, presents, creepy Santas, or having the most perfect day ever. Because it’s the message of Christmas that matters. (P.S. so thankful I survived)
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about the authorAs a 21 year old aspiring teacher, Karissa loves to write, travel, play piano, and read. Many creative things have her heart. archives
November 2021
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